A Marriage completely restored from pornography and infidelity. Amy's story.

When my husband confessed his addiction to pornography and an affair my life crumbled.  I was blindsided.  The pain was so deep and all of a sudden my future felt so unsure.  I could barely think, I could barely get a shower, get dressed, and go to work.  The daily little things became so heavy.  My husband felt free because he finally confessed but now the burden seemed like it was all on me.  The pain, the fear, the heartbreak, the betrayal, it was unfathomable.  I just kept thinking, "this wasn't supposed to happen" but the reality was that it did and now my life felt shattered beyond repair.  

I didn't have anyone I felt I could talk to.  I was so ashamed and embarrassed.  One family member knew but they had never walked this path so as much as they wanted to be a support they really couldn't.  Depression, shame, fear, and loneliness started to isolate me.   We went to our church for help and they prayed with us and sent us to a marriage counselor.  Hope entered the picture for the first time in many weeks.  Our counselor was amazing.  We would end up seeing him for three years, every week at first, then every few weeks as time went on.  Counseling was critical to our healing. He was able to advise us, remind us that God was with us, and created a safe place to heal.   My husband also had a counselor he met with individually who helped him with the pornography addiction.  

My husband and I became very intentional in our marriage.  I relied on God like never before.  I read my Bible for hours a day before and after work.  I journaled, I cried many tears, and we both had a lot of work to do for healing to happen. There were many visits to the counselor, we read books on marriage, and listened to many hours of teachings about healing and marriage.   Many days felt absolutely overwhelming as fear and depression had a grip on me!  

Healing was a long process but what I discovered was an invitation to allow God to change my own heart.  My husband wasn't the only one who needed a heart change.  I did as well and I accepted the Lord's love and healing for me.  I needed to apply truth to my own heart no matter what my husband did or didn't do.   It was a profound time in my life as God helped me.  The Word of God became so real.  His love for me washed over me, bringing healing to my wounded heart.  Restoration happened over months and years. I had to be patient.   I have come to appreciate that time in my life because we truly know everything about each other.  Nothing is hidden.  Shame is a thing of the past.  A deep intimacy with the Lord and my husband was the fruit of this time in my life that I'm grateful for.  

We found great encouragement from Jimmy Evans ministry, XO Marriage, and we created a new foundation for our marriage.  Jimmy says, "Marriage works 100% of the time when we do it God's way."   God's ways became our way.  God led us, taught us, healed us, and restored us!  What seemed impossible to us, was possible with God.  Our marriage and our hearts became healed and whole.  

There is always hope when a husband and wife both come together, repent, and start living the way God intended. God is faithful to meet us in the pain and turn it into a beautiful marriage! 

Verses that encouraged me: 

Psalm 63: 7-8  "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me." 

Ezekiel 36:26-27, 33  "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws...This is what the Lord says; One the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt."

Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal."

Psalm 119: 107 Message "Everything's falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word."

Psalm 119: 45 "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts."

Psalm 107: 6 "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress." 

Psalm 59:9 "You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely." 

Psalm 54: 4 "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." 

Psalm 51: 12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." 

Psalm 34: 18-19 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." 

Ephesians 6: 14-15 "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." 

Philippians 4: 6-7 Message "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when God displaces worry at the center of your life." 

Lamentations 3: 19-25 Message "...There's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning.  How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks." 

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