Updated: Jul 7
I was exposed to porn at a very young age, somewhere between six and eight I'd guess. I stayed with my cousin a lot and my uncle would watch it without thinking about us possibly walking in the room. I then found magazines my dad had stashed and was shocked that he too was looking at porn. I guess it gave me a misconceived perception of what men want and going through school I thought about sex a lot. I read the magazines that told you what a man wants and how to really blow your mans mind. I became promiscuous. Going into college my roommate and I would pull up porn of mostly men and we attended all the college parties. In my gut I knew it was wrong and growing up in a Christian family made it even worse. I was seeking to be loved and the college guys only seemed to want one thing. In my loneliness I would "explore". Friends hosted sex toy parties and I learned all about the biggest and best vibrator. I learned how to use it and soon thought to myself, I don't need a man, I can just please myself. I still sought love though. I stopped looking at porn out of guilt and strong conviction. John Beverly has a powerful testimony on YouTube and it further impacted me. I still self pleasured though. Marriage wasn't what I envisioned and soon was self pleasuring every day. It started to really affect my marriage and I was having a hard time receiving pleasure from my husband. I was in a small group and reading the bible one day and came across scripture that gave me revelation to what I was doing. Self pleasure is a selfish act. It will steal from your marriage and what God designed it to be.
Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." I was not valuing my husband and therefore stealing from what our marriage could have been. I decided then to confess it to my husband and make myself accountable to him. We prayed together and also broke the soul ties from my past relationships. Our marriage bed became sacred again and now marriage is everything and more, Gods perfect design!
To see the testimony from John Bevere click the link